Masking her troubles, Fifi forced herself to join in the usual banter with the guys whilst prepping them for the show. Communication between her and Alex was non-existent, only when one of them needed something work related. It has gone very strained between the two and she never imagined that they'd ever be like this when she was just a kid. If only things could be civil between them, then it'd certainly make her job a lot easier.
When the guys went to do their soundcheck/VIP. Fifi decided to lie down on the sofa in the dressing room and managed to wake up in time for the show. Not wanting any attention or company, she sat herself down in the seats where it pretty much vacant. Listening to the songs, she has started to remember the lyrics more now. As the show was nearly finished, she quickly disappeared to go and get on the bus. Grabbing something to eat from the kitchenette and quickly washing herself in the bathroom before climbing into her bunk. Then she phones her parents and one of her friends before tucking into the food. By this time, she could hear familiar voices downstairs and she pretends to be on the phone when Maddie pops her head through the curtain... But to her annoyance, Maddie stays waiting for her to finish talking. Feeling defeated, she brings the 'conversation' to an end and listens to Maddie...
"You gonna come and join us? There's me, Nick, Kevin, Kristin, Brian and Leighanne all hanging out on the sofas. Some of them are having a drink to wind doen and the guys are all hyped out ha!!"
After a little protesting, Maddie manages to to persuade her to join them.
"Hey, where'd you go when they were on stage? You vanished."
"You keeping a tab on me, huh Maddie?!! Ha! I just needed some alone time. You didn't send a search party out for me, did you?"
When they got to the sofas, her eyes met with Alex's who a moment later, started to stand up. She noticed him muttering in Kevin's ear and hurried out, walking past where she had just sat down. Befuddled, she stood there watching him walking away without a single glance back. For some reason, she found herself looking at Kevin, trying to work out what Alex's problem is and typically, he just shrugged his shoulders. Kristin who is sitting by him, looked across at Fifi, giving her a sympathetic smile to which she awkwardly smiled back at. As Fifi is sitting next to Howie, she made small talk with him and vacantly, she heard him telling her about his wedding to Leigh, that was a few years back. Fifi thought that he and Leigh made a sweet couple, obviously very happy together. She hopes that she will find this kind of love and happiness for herself. As the journey back to the hotel was only a short one, they soon arrive. They all say their goodnights and go their separate ways to their rooms.
As there was no show the next day, everyone just did as they pleased. Some went bowling, some went sightseeing, shopping or just lazing at the hotel. Fifi felt like being by herself. She goes to explore the hotel and checks out all facilities on offer, like the spa, restaurants, gym, library, bars and acres of landscaped gardens. In her mind, she plans to start off in the gym although she doesn't have a clue in what machine does what and then have some dinner in the cafeteria. Then she spends a few relaxing hours in the spa. Once feeling relaxed, venture out into the gardens. So in the gym, busy concentrating on the treadmill, she hears Alex's voice and she looks across the room to see him talking to a gym staff member. She catches his attention but again, he walks out. Then Fifi sighs, feeling fed up of trying to work him out so she heads to the showers. Yawning, she goes into the spa hoping it'll relax her and she starts to feel sleepy.
"Ms Barton, are you okay?"
Hearing an unfamiliar voice softly speaking in her ear whilst gently nudging her shoulder, feeling disorientated, Fifi is confused as to where she is and who the lady is that she can hear...
Where am I? What's happened?"
"Ms Barton, I've been massaging you but you fell asleep. Are you feeling alright?"
"Eh... I only closed my eyes for a minute... Didn't I?"
Said a weary Fifi scratching her forehand. After the spa lady sends her away to her room and is astonished by being told that she'd been asleep for over an hour. She fetches her book from her room and wanders off to the gardens but as she was coming out of it, she catches a glimpse of Alex as he quickly walks past her, completely blanking her. Ten minutes later, she's found a perfect little seating area near an old oak tree to read her book. Hours pass without Fifi realising and takes a moment to check her phone to discover that she has three missed calls off Maddie, two off Nick and one off Howie. She lets them know that she will meet them for tea.
Out of earshot, Maddie turns to Fifi to start whispering...
"Did you hear? Apparently, they've took Alex to some therapist! I don't know what or why but one of the security guys and Kevin took him. Nick and Howie are obviously putting on a front but I think they're worrying about him, well why wouldn't they be?!"
"When was this? Why didn't anyone tell me?"
Slightly surprised and with a gut wrenching feeling churning in her stomach...
"Honey, one would you have been bothered? And two, we didn't know where you were. It was about an hour ago."
"I'm sick of it all! Sorry but I don't feel like eating now so I'll see you later. Please tell the guys bye from me."
Fifi storming off enraged by everything that is happening, leaving Maddie, Nick, Howie and Leigh in the restaurant. She's rushed off alone so she can sort her head out. Somewhat later, one thing Fifi is clear about is that she wants to clear the air and sort things out with Alex, once and for all. The way things are, it cannot stay like it is but she doesn't even know if Alex is back at the hotel yet. Determined, she goes to Brian's room first.
"Hi Brian, do you know if Alex is back yet?"
When he tells her no, he tells her to keep looking and try not to worry too much. Feeling afraid, she knocks at Kevin's door and Kristin answers. Curiously, he comes up behind her and reluctantly invites Fifi inside their room...
"I don't know whst it is you're playing at Fifi, but it's gotta stop. Right now! He was doing just fine until you showed up. For your info, he's back and he's a lt better than he was earlier. Me and Kristin are off to bed now so if you don't mind closing the door after you, that'd be great."
Unable to get a word in and upset by the way he has just spoken to her, she can't understand why he is being like this and so hard on her. Self doubts begin to creep in her mind as she gets a drink from the hotel bar. She is planning on going to Alex's room after she's had her drink to compose herself and to figure out what she wants to say. If truth be known, she doesn't have a clue wuth what she's going to say but she knew she couldn't handle any more fighting.
Standing outside Alex's door, she takes a deep breath and then knocks. Eventually he answers, dressed in his sweatpants, t-shirt and trucker hat on, she stands looking at him. After a moment of silence, Alex speaks...
"What are you doing here?"
"I... I came to see if you were okay... Are you okay Alex?"
"What do you think...? I take it, you know where I've been?"
Nodding in agreement and reaches her arm out to him, wishing he wasn't being so defensive towards her. She starts to turn away and tells him she was planning on leaving a few days back but reluctantly stayed with a tear falling down her cheek... All of a sudden, she feels his hand touching her wrist.
"Fifi, don't go... Come in here. This is just as much as my fault as it is yours, if not all."
With hearing this, she nervously walks into his room, afraid to speak or not knowing what to do next. Scanning the room with all his belongings left scattered everywhere, a slight smile appears as she sees one thing that hasn't changed about him...
"Still messy then, even after all these years Huh?!"
"Yeah it looks like it."
This was all she could say. An awkward silence fills the room. Neither of them daring to make eye contact so they each fidget with whatever is near to hand. Making her jump, Alex's phone rings from on the side table and he dashes over to answer it.
"Hey Kev, yeah I'm gonna get to bed... I'm fine, honestly. Oh, did she? Okay. Yes, I spoke to my mom when I got back here. Well, I'm gonna go now... See you tomorrow bro."
Listening intently and confused to why he said what he said. She thought about his mom, she misses her and hasn't seen her since well the last time she saw Alex, years ago.
"How is Denise? Bet she won't remember me..."
"She's good and yep she does remember you. She loved you like as if you were her own daughter. I am sorry for when I stopped contacting you years ago, t was pretty dumb of me. I missed you so much."
"Alex, why did you stop? Was I not good enough for you anymore?"
Tears heavily fall and Alex kneels down in front of her to wipe her tears away.
"My life changed so much, I didn't know where we were from day to day and it became harder and harder to find the time to write to you. You were too good for me Fifi, I thought the world of you and I didn't want to hold you back. So I... I assumed you would get bored of waiting for me."
"I never got bored of you. I would have waited for you, for as long as it took. You assumed wrong, Alex."
"I did, I'm sorry. I screwed up, like I screw everything up."
Alex clenches his fists together as he goes over to look out of the window to avoid eye contact with Fifi. She then goes over to him and places her hand on his arm to tell him...
"You never screwed up about making me happy when we were ogethert. I guess... That's why I found it so hard to move on. I... A silly teenage girl who dreamed that we'd get married and have kids one day when we were old enough. Only now as an adult, I know that life isn't a fairytale."
She too then stares out in to the dark night, looking up at the stars in the sky. Aware now that any silence between them is no longer the awkward, tense silence that she once found herself in with him, is only that of peace being laid between them.
"Well I guess I screwed up the fairytale for you then."
"No, it was my fault Alex."
"Do you think we can get past our history and start again?"
"I hope so Alex. I can't bear this to keep going on between us, us taking it in turns to ignore each other and for everyone else having their say about us."
"I'd like that."
Feeling much more relaxed and calmer, she walks towards the door and faces Alex...
"Thank you for finally letting me have my sag and I understand here you were coming from too. I had to come here tonight to sort stuff out with you even if other people told me to stay away or along those lines anyway."
"Well they shouldn't have which I apologise for. Are you off now?"
"Yes, sorry. It's getting late and I need some sleep with it being a full on working day tomorrow. Goodnight Alex."
"Night Fifi."
Upon leaving his room and going into er room, Fifi climbed into her bed and thought over the conversation she has just had with Alex. Se feels like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. Although she's feeling much better I'm herself, she knows it isn't going to be plain sailing with Kevin laying into her like he did to ight. He made her feel so small and anxious, keeping her distance from him will probably be a good thing for the time being. As her thoughts go round in her head, she soon drifts off to sleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment